Excerpt from "Weapons and Warfare in the Zombie Apocalypse"

Improvised Weaponry

Sooner or later anyone facing zombie opponents is going to have to utilize everyday objects that are not normally considered to be or used as weapons.  In fact, these items (and there's a bewildering variety of possibilities) are in general more common than firearms or other weapons and they are commonly encountered.  Every household will certainly have something (and probably many somethings) that can be utilized as an anti-zombie weapon as the situation warrants it.  Due to the inevitability of having to face a zombie armed with something that wasn't intended to be used in armed conflict, everyone should familiarize themselves with the basics of turning everyday objects from the environment into weapons.

The most obvious of these items are commonly employed around the house as tools.  A partial sampling of such items might include the following:

Axes and hatchets- These items are intended to chop through saplings and branches, and to a lesser degree the chopping of fire wood and kindling.  They come in a variety of sizes and weights and are more than capable of inflicting a fatal crushing blow to a zombie's skull.  Axes were a fairly popular purpose-built weapon from antiquity through the European Middle Ages, since they were cheap and simple to manufacture.  They were also quite good at piercing armor, although their weight and balance tended to make them less adaptable during combat when compared to swords.  Note that axes and hatchets in your barn or garage (or your neighbor's barn or garage) are not the same as the medieval variants that were specifically designed for combat.  The domestic axe is a tool, meant to be used against immobile, non-resisting timber.  When used against lumbering zombies, keep in mind that the weight of axes, especially heavier models like fire axes, makes them poorly balanced as weapons.  They are slow to recover from a missed strike.  Also, missing the zombie means the chance of striking yourself with the axe blade, which is sufficient to cause a debilitating wound (leaving you slow or immobile and less able to escape the still-dangerous zombie).  With these as with other weapons, they should be matched to your physical strength.  If you have no choice and need to use it in a pinch, fine—but if the tool or weapon isn't effective given your level of physical strength, find something more appropriate as soon as possible.

Hammers and picks- Another excellent make-shift weapon against zombie attackers, hammers come in even greater variety than axes do.  These are shorter weapons, obviously, than axes and therefore they necessitate that the user get dangerously close to a zombie foe.  However, their weight and reach makes them relatively handy in close, and they have the ability to inflict a depressed skull fracture or pierce the skull.  The claw end of the hammer has some of the characteristics of medieval war picks, although the point(s) are not nearly as acute as the medieval examples.  Historically, war hammers and the related war picks were developed during the fourteenth and fifteenth centuries as a response to improved armor technology.  Articulated plate armor was largely impervious to sword blows, because the glancing surface would cause attacks to slide harmlessly off.  Even if an opponent managed to strike a hard blow with a sword, in general the solid plate that covered most of the body could not be cut or pierced by swords.  Because of this, knights and other warriors began to carry axes and especially hammers and picks in addition to their other weapons.  Upon encountering someone in full plate armor, the hammer or pick was deployed as an armor piercing weapon to bludgeon through the enemy's defense.  Clearly, if the intent of such weapons was to inflict damage to someone wearing steel plate armor, then an unarmored zombie skull is relatively vulnerable to the piercing and hammering effect of such weapons.

Baseball/Cricket Bats- These are clubs, albeit specialized clubs used for organized sports.  They can readily be turned into weapons in a pinch, as scared apartment dwellers and mob enforcers can attest.  Clubs are one of the oldest forms of weapon, up there with stone spears and knives.  Deadlier forms of club were created over the course of man's millennia-long pursuit of warfare.  Often these were embellished with stone or metal spikes or blades in an attempt to make the weight and impact of the club do even more damage once it hit.  Baseball or cricket bats need to break their way through the skull or crush the spinal column to be effective against zombies.  They are capable of achieving this, but bear in mind that a certain amount of strength is required, and timing is important.  Also keep in mind that wooden clubs can potentially break: baseball bats are designed, as you know, to hit baseballs, not skulls attached to the mass of a moving zombie.  Using a tool for a task it isn't designed for is a recipe for the failure of that tool, and your anti-zombie bat might break at the handle (its weakest point) when delivering a hard blow.  If you use a bat remember that if the weapon fails you need to be ready to flee or quickly locate an alternative implement before you become a hot lunch.

Screwdrivers- Good quality screwdrivers, whether Phillip's head or flat, can become effective stilettos in a pinch.  If you're only familiar with the term stiletto in reference to shoes, the pointy heel in question is actually named after an even more pointy type of medieval dagger.  Stilettos were narrow bladed weapons that usually lacked an edge, being entirely designed around the use of the needle-like point for thrusting.  They could pierce through weak spots or gaps in armor, or they could be worn in a smaller form as civilian self-defense weapons.  The idea is essentially to focus a lot of force on a small point, with the idea that the point with them pierce through the target.  Screwdrivers are capable of serving in this role, though their effectiveness would be even greater if they were modified by sharpening the point to a more acute edge.  When targeting a zombie with such a weapon the eye sockets are probably the best place to strike: remember that you're trying to get to the brain, and you don't want to risk your screwdriver skittering off the curved surface of the skull, leaving you vulnerable to a bite.  Screwdrivers are close-range weapons that should only be used if nothing better can be found.  Remember that the zombie's danger zone extends only a few feet in front of the creature, limited by the reach of its arms.  By closing to strike with a screwdriver, you're entering that danger zone and potentially making yourself vulnerable.

Kitchen knives- Similar to the use of the screwdriver, the kitchen knife is a close-ranged weapon that should be used carefully and only if nothing better is available.  The technique of using a kitchen knife is similar to that of screwdrivers.  Primarily useful as a piercing weapon, the kitchen knife should be targeted at the eyes or the base of the skull in order to incapacitate the attacking zombie.  Secondarily, if your knife is sharp enough you can use it to slice at your attacker, but remember that 1) an incapacitated zombie is still dangerous and 2) if you're using a knife you're within striking distance of the zombie's hands and jaws.  Where knives are concerned the larger the better, in general, realizing that even the largest knife is not the most ideal weapon.  Quality knives shouldn't break, but keep in mind that you're using it for something it really wasn't designed for.  If you're in a fancy (or well stocked) kitchen you might find a cleaver.  Used in a manner similar to the hatchets, the cleaver's strengths are its weight and sharp edge.  A hard enough blow should be sufficient to cut through the skull, though like the knife its short reach places the user in some amount of danger.

Scissors- Most cheap scissors won't be much use against a zombie.  But if you happen upon a high quality set of scissors, especially those meant to cut fabric, they can be pushed into service as a sort of stiletto.  The ring-shaped handles can be used to secure a decent grip around the base, and the blades are capable of concentrating sufficient force on a small point, which means they can be used as piercing weapons.  You're probably familiar with the possibility of using scissors as makeshift weapons, because of the presentation of such a scenario by Hollywood.  Remember that zombies are not humans, and so "close" doesn't count: only the brain or the spinal column will do.  You'll need to use significant force to make it happen with scissors, and like other short weapons you'll be in danger the whole time.

Table legs- Another form of club.  Lighter and generally less effective than baseball bats (if it's heavier, great, but then you're going to have a hard time breaking it off the rest of the table).  They're included here in part because pretty much every house or apartment has some of these inconspicuously holding up the furniture.  If it's all you've got, it's better than nothing.  Use it to find your way out as quickly as possible, so that you can locate something better to defend your flesh from hungry zombies (with an emphasis on the "as quickly as possible" bit).

Pans- The right pan can be a decent weapon, in an emergency.  Especially high quality examples.  Pans have mass and are resilient enough to survive multiple blows.  Cast iron, while extremely heavy, is probably the most lethal of this category of improvised bludgeoner. 

Dumbbells and other weights- Another regularly encountered item, these are similar to the cast iron pans mentioned above.  It's all mass, and all about using that mass to crush the zombie's skull before he gets the upper hand.  The variety of hand weight known as a "kettle bell" (give a shout out to Russia for the idea) could be a very capable close-in bashing weapon, provided you can get your hands on a light enough example.  They look basically like a cannon ball with a cast loop-like handle attached to the top.  Swing one with enough force and the right timing and you'll have pulp instead of a zombie.

Shovels- Finally a weapon with some reach.  Shovels can be pressed into service as a type of pole arm: they allow the user to keep some distance between him or herself and the offending zombie, and they can be used to both bash and pierce.  Remember that a shovel blade is not sharpened for battle, and it's not going to shear through a zombie skull like you think it might.  But with the right strike in the right spot, you'll survive to live another day, and get or manufacture a more effective weapon.

Pitchforks- Pitchforks (and scythes) have a long history of being put to use in (mostly failed) peasant rebellions.  The failed part comes in when you consider that the authorities, depending on the time period, had either plate armor and warhorses or firearms with which to put down the rebels.  Luckily for you, zombies don't have any of these things, and so you won't be facing a cavalry charge or a fusillade of rifle fire as you stand ready with your trusty pitchfork.  These items give you reach, and the formula for effective piercing applies: lots of force focused on a small point (actually several points).  Pitchforks can also be used to pin or maneuver zombies, if such tactics become necessary: impale your victim and then control him by manipulating the handle.  You won't destroy the zombie by this method, but you might allow an ally to get an opening to strike or give yourself time to run or get a better weapon.  Keep in mind that the handle might break, and be prepared if that occurs.

Rebar & steel pipe- Building materials offer up a range of products that might be used in a pinch as makeshift clubs.  A piece of iron pipe or a short length of rebar encountered at a construction site might be sufficient to save your life, so that you live to run/fight/starve for another day.  The technique is obvious: you supply the force, it supplies the mass and transmits the force to the skull.  Crush away.

The Halligan tool- The holy grail of improvised anti-zombie weaponry, in my humble (but educated) opinion.  Usually found in the proximity of firefighters, the Halligan tool is sort of like the bastard stepchild of a Swiss Army Knife and a crowbar, which firefighters use to poke, prod, pry, smash and generally dislocate all manner of inanimate objects in the course of their firefighting duties.  It combines the characteristics of a war pick with a short spear, and has the added benefit of being highly useful because of its regular "day job" utility as well.  You may well need to do some breaking and entering, and a Halligan Tool is your ticket to a successful life of post-apocalyptic crime.

Crowbar- An obvious follow up to the Halligan Tool, a crowbar is a heavy steel tool designed to destroy things.  The hammer builds.  The crowbar smashes.  A hard blow and you'll reduce the zombie's skull to nibblets.  Keep in mind that this isn't a light weapon.  To use it and recover in time you'll need decent physical strength.  Like the Halligan Tool, the crowbar is a spork for the apocalypse: it does several jobs, and it does them pretty well.

The Chainsaw- I include this here in part because it is a staple of some zombie fiction, and has been held up as an improvised weapon by Hollywood.  Obviously a chainsaw can be used as a weapon: in fact, they are quite dangerous to use, even if you're familiar with them.  Loggers have been slicing themselves up (accidentally) with chainsaws for a long time.  They'll easily tear through most of the things in your path (and you, if you're not careful).  Movies probably portray the chainsaw as a weapon because they're scary and dramatic.  In reality, this should be about the last thing you want to grab as a means of defending yourself.  If you're trapped with nothing but a letter opener and a chainsaw, pick the chainsaw.  Otherwise, get something less ridiculous.  The chainsaw's strengths are also its main weaknesses, in a sense: it has the power to dismember a body, but it's going to spray bits of that body all over the place (read "you") in the process.  The fact that zombies are infectious masses of dead tissue should make you think twice before you decide to frolic amongst the flying zombie bits.  Chainsaws are heavy, so if you're not already pretty strong, don't bother to try and use one as a weapon.  The torque from their operation makes them still more difficult to use against attacking zombies.  They are extremely noisy, so if you haven't managed to alert every zombie in your immediate vicinity, well, you have now.  They run on gasoline (or an oil/gas mixture) which means they can only be used as long as the fuel supply lasts.  Essentially, chainsaws are terrible weapons.  Leave them to the actors who are only pretending to fight zombies.